Markham Nolan | Literary Mercenary
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Grass Roots Ranting

There’s nothing like a bit of local politics to heat the blood. And nothing, simply nothing, heats the blood more than local politics with a self-serving tinge to them.

Back in the day when Betty Coffey was a Fianna Fáil Councillor for Dun Laoghaire, a set of traffic lights appeared on Corrig Road. Said lights had the effect of backing up traffic for a long way down the road, with a ridiculously long right flick going in one direction – the direction of Betty Coffey’s house, as it happens.

And two weeks ago, when a local resident dropped a leaflet into my letterbox, a flag was raised. It related to a plan for eight speed bumps on my road, and a further nine on Killiney Road. That’s 17 speed bumps (and a few mini-roundabouts) along a stretch of road maybe 0.8 of a mile long.

I got angry, and fired off a ranting email to the local councillors, fully expecting to be ignored. For good measure, I asked Maria Bailey (FG) and comrade Eamon Gilmore (Lab) to STOP SPAMMING my bloody letterboxes. (I have two, so I get double the spam).

Kudos to Gareth Crowe and Barry Andrews (FF) and Cllr Carrie Smyth (Lab) for their measured responses to said ranting email. A whopping DOUBLE FAIL to Maria Bailey (FG) for trying to defend the traffic plan, and for then promising to stop spamming me, and breaking that promise a week later, dropping junk mail in my letterbox again early this week.

Incidentally, Maria Bailey lives on the road where the traffic plan is being implemented. Are we noticing a pattern? *Cough* *Coffey*

Email tennis continues below the fold.

Ranting Email to Councillors:

Folks,

Just writing to express some creative disdain and register an objection at the traffic calming measures you’ve proposed for Ballinclea Road and Killiney Road, which seem simplistic and poorly thought out.
Lazy policemen everywhere, (17 of them? – that’s really lazy) and no new provision for cyclists whatsoever, despite claiming that the new measures will make things safer for them. I can’t see how, other than diverting cyclists onto wider footpaths, where they’ll busy themselves taking out pedestrians, who will be forced to dive out into the traffic. Perhaps there’s a net gain I’m missing.

The new ramps also span across the bike lanes where they currently (barely) exist, making them even more dangerous and uncomfortable, and the incredibly narrow area on Ballinclea Road, barely wide enough for two cars as it is, sees no improvement. Mr Kivlehan, you should be particularly ashamed. How can the slow-accelerate-slow-accelerate driving behaviour demanded by speed bumps tally with a Green priority of reducing CO2 emissions? It hardly encourages efficient petrol consumption. Ah, Kyoto. You were such a nice idea. Pity we can’t join two thoughts together to make it happen.

You’ll be aware of the pamphlet distributed in the area by Brendan Casey, whose views I share 100% as a fellow resident of Ballinclea Road. I’m not some elderly crank either.  I’m 28, a homeowner, a journalist, a registered voter and at times a motorist, a cyclist and a pedestrian. My interests are not served under any of those headings by the proposed development. And anyway, I currently own a massive commercial jeep, and if I so choose I won’t have to slow down at all. I will absorb your piddly speed ramps as if they weren’t there. They won’t even make my CDs skip. I, and other angry SUV drivers, will likely laugh at the ramps as our heavy vehicles gradually contribute to their flattening without a hint of deceleration.

So far, the best traffic calming measure you folks have come up with is your own myopia. The approaches to Killiney’s overloaded roundabout grind to a halt between 8am and 8.30am and 4pm and 5.45pm every day, with increasingly heavy traffic backing up as far as St Joseph of Cluny on Ballinclea Road and nearly all the way to Glenageary at times on Sally Glen Road.  Your inability to plan traffic is, ironically, probably saving lives three hours a day, five days a week. Big pat on the back, you’re all heroes.

Garda presence on Ballinclea Road has been fairly good of late, on a more positive note, particularly on evenings during the weekend, when they tend to sit at a curve waiting for drink-drivers who avoid stirring their stomachs on the Himalayan speedbumps up Avondale Road by diverting through onto Ballinclea, where the road is smooth and dark and driveable. Speed patrols should be encouraged and increased in the same spot. How about a camera, if we’re worried about speed, eh? Can we get a cost-benefit comparison between the two?

While we’re all gathered here, reading an abusive email, could Fine Gael and Labour, and the rest of you, actually, please take ***** Cottage off your list for junk mail.  I used to think Crunch Fitness and Four Star Pizza were bad for doormat-litter when I lived in Glasthule, but I must be out of their range up here. Maria Bailey and Eamon Gilmore are worst offenders nowadays. FOR SHAME. Save your breath, and a few trees while you’re at it. There are no votes for spammers in this house and you’re taking up valuable space in the bin.

Democracy. It’s a blast, isn’t it?

M

Maria’s response:

Dear Mr Nolan

Thank you for your email. Just to let you know ~I contact the guards on a regular basis requesting there presence on both roads. Has you are probably aware my family home is on Killiney Road and the speed of traffic is extremely dangerous at the junction of ballinclea and Killiney road. I note your annoyance with the information leaflets I personally drop at your house and if you wish not to be kept informed of the issues in your area that is fine with me. Personally I think it is important that people are kept informed by there public representatives on a regular basis and not just at election time. However as requested I will ensure my leaflets are not put in your letter box.

Should you have a further comments or queries please do not hesitate to contact me.

Regards

Cllr Maria Bailey
And my response to Maria:
Thanks for your responses, Maria and Gareth.

I agree that the junction between Ballinclea and Killiney Roads is dangerous at times, but in my opinion the most dangerous aspect is the lack of visibility on that junction rather than the speed on the road, something that would be addressed by tackling the railings rather than ruining the half-mile of road either side of the junction.
Perhaps a bump or two either side of the junction, or an extended speed ramp at the junction might be a more proportionate reaction if the dangerous speed at the junction is where your major gripe lies? It would also cost a hell of a lot less. But nine bumps on Killiney Road and eight more on Ballinclea? Ridiculous.

I’m also of the opinion that the most obstructive and infuriating traffic measures somehow tend to appear along stretches of road where local councillors live. Case in point are the traffic lights on Corrig Avenue in Dun Laoghaire, installed while Fianna Fáiler Betty Coffey, a resident on the road, was particularly active on the council. Coincidence? I think not. They now drive me, and plenty of others, absolutely mental, and should never have been installed. They were an over-reaction, much like nine speed bumps along Killiney Road would be.

Thanks for agreeing to remove me from the FG mailing drop. I’m well able to keep myself aware of local issues, and have asked that the council add an RSS feed to the site to make online info even more accessible.

I will continue to base my voting preference on interaction with politicians, and as such, value real conversation or, indeed, email interaction with councillors on important issues over being force-fed flyers. As an FYI, the politician who got my number 1 vote in the last local election was the only one of the myriad canvassers who could answer questions on a variety of issues right there on the doorstep without  leaning heavily on neighbourly platitudes. That politician was Richard Boyd-Barrett of the Socialist Workers Party/People Before Profit. I don’t subscribe to his red-flag-waving socialist views, (some of which mark him out as an anachronistic Marxist wacko) but figured that he could show the rest of the chamber a thing or two about how to listen and interact with the people whom they serve on a daily basis. Sadly, when Irish politics has become such a insipid centre-right mélange, a lefty wacko is what you need to bring some balance back to things.

Markham

3 comments

1 Ferdinand von Prondzynski { 12.11.08 at 2:47 pm }

I think what shocks me most is that Maria Bailey doesn’t know the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’. What hope have we?

2 markhamnolan { 12.11.08 at 3:38 pm }

Same as every politician – Greets, Shoots and Leaves.

3 Local Propaganda — Expad.ie { 06.03.09 at 7:43 am }

[...] my protests at her incessant junk mailing, and an email tete-á-tete about her heinous local traffic plans, local FGer Maria Bailey felt the need to thank me for my support in her campaign for re-election. [...]

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