“On a small field in a tiny village in Ireland, a local apprentice electrician is practising his newfound trade every spare minute he has…”

The newfound trade in question, of course, is Aussie Rules Football, and the excitable tradesman is Carlow footballer Brendan Murphy, one of the contentious recent signings to the AFL, who will join Kerryman Tadhg Kennelly at the Sydney Swans. He might well be excited, for there is money and fame to be won in Australia for young men with talented hands. And if it all fails, he can be sure of employment. Australia is crying out for sparkies, and the weather is great.

The GAA/AFL relationship seems to be irreparably soured by the poaching of young talent for Aussie rules teams, and to be frank, the Aussies don’t seem to care. They are willing to pay handsomely for talent, and if the GAA won’t offer the same, it’s their loss.

That view is backed up by the emigré players who have seized an opportunity to make money from professional sport, and have done extremely well for themselves. Two of the most recent revelations are Tadhg Kennelly (finalist last year with the Sydney Swans) and the prodigious Down player Martin Clarke, who’ll play for the Collingwood Magpies in this year’s final.

The line above, not mine, comes from Sydney’s Daily Telegraph and conjures up an image of docile rural tweeness that would make a leprechaun vomit in his crock of gold. To be sure. And it goes on:

“Here in Australia, in the multi-million-dollar cut-throat business of AFL football, Brendan Murphy – the most talented young footballer in Ireland – represents a prayer answered at the Sydney Swans”

Ah, the bright lights of Sydney, the big shmoke of…..approaching bushfires. Sure, how could the simple bumpkin possibly resist? There surely ain’t no multi-million-dollar cutthroats in Ireland. Except for the Taoiseach. And most people in the back benches. And the CEO of the real national airline. Oh, and the guys who run Croker.

Read the rest of the Telegraph article, which improves hugely after the initial clichés, here.